She looked up at the hospital. Everything was white in color, right from the high ceiling to the doctors’ coats and the socks the nurses wore. She then looked at herself, the only dirty spot in the hospital now. “Filth”, her mom had exclaimed after she learned that her daughter was not one but two lives now. She had started puking some days back ( Not surprising as it had been quite a while since the bastard had crept into her bed and pounded her, second after second, minute after minute and from then on, night after night). It was then that her mom had realised that she was speaking the truth and admonished her severely, as if she could have avoided it.

The doctor was a nice man, she thought as he sat down to explain the procedure to her. Right from the time she knew she was pregnant and she realised the importance of it, she had a ray of hope that this wasn’t a bad world. But she also knew to have a child now was sinful and she could never have her son or daughter delivered to her intact. She would never know the colour, and sex of her child. Maybe if she had a child in her later years…. but she highly doubted if she would be able to reciprocate the attention of any man in the future.

“The early stage has crossed, else we would have been able to do a vacuum suction”, the doctor said. For some strange reason, she imagined the doctor to be a Eureka Forbes sales guy and giggled. The only time in some months. Her mom glared at her and she became silent again. The good doctor took offence at it and started giving statistics about the number of unwed mothers coming to his hospital for abortions. She again thought of herself as the only black spot in this white hospital. If only he knew….

The operation ended. She wondered what will happen to her baby, unborn and unformed. Will it be buried, burnt or just thrown away? She didn’t realise the tears that welled up in her eyes, which overflowed to her face when she blinked. The hospital now appeared in a new light to her. That of a burial place. With all the abortions happening there every day. She was going to stay with her grandmother now on. She was never going back to her home again. She would not be going back to her father. Her child’s father. In a way the delivery had happened. She was born again. There would be peace and happiness again. Hopefully.

“Come in”

“Good morning, doctor. My name is Kalpana”

“What can I do for you? My secretary told me that you had called to enquire when I would come and also about my therapy sessions”

“Yes, doctor, I have a lot of problems”

“Well, go on….”

“How do I start? Arun and Sheela have started fighting again. This after so many months of advice. They are now talking about divorce. Meena is starting her tirade against marriage again. She is being heavily influenced by her college tutor, a spinster”

“Ok….”

“I am not done yet, doctor. Also, Varun is not studying well for his board exams and he is also fighting with his sibling, Veena a lot. I am at my wit’s end”

“I see that you have a lot of problems. But before starting therapy, tell me, are you all a joint family?”

“No, doctor”

“Then, you are a relative, perhaps? You are so concerned?”

“No, doctor”

“Then a dear friend?”

“No, doctor…. I am just their psychologist”

Right, so this is my first post from the place I have decided to put up in for the next 2 years, or rather the college has magnanimously taken me. Guess God is there, and he said, “Gans, enough of taking CAT, lest you become like your ex roomie (He too was politically correct and declined to name the person ). So here I am at MICA. Thats Mudra Institute of Communications, Ahmedabad. The college offers 4 specializations, Brand Management, Accounts planning, Media management and Marketing research.

So in 2 years time, I will be able to offer you good insights into the ad world maybe. Like why Vijay Adhiraj came out of the Harpic campaign. Oh wait, I can tell you that now itself. He got branded as Vijay “Baethiraj” Watch this space for more meaningful insights. Latest is that Abbas has taken over. Oh well, maybe he will quit when he becomes Gabbas…..

Coming back to MICA, the college is good and the food is super. The only bad thing is the weather. Frikkin hot at a temperature of 45 degrees celsius.

Lots more to come soon…. a story in some days. Until then, guess will soak up the environment here, make new friends, keep in touch with the old friends, Sindhu, Maddy, Sriki, Ragi, Vinith, Aishu, Jet, Aparna, etc…. Get used to this life and routine here. After all, need to get a decent job after MBA….

Huge sorry to Ragi, the best sarakku sharer I could find. Adding Ragi to the list

“So what did my little girl do today?”

“I went to the park, appa. I played on the swings, and the slide for some time. Then I started watching people and observing them”

“Do you do that a lot, Ammu?”

“Yes, appa. And today, especially there was a young lady and man who were very sad. Though all the people around them were very very happy, they were very sad”

“What happened then?”

“They became even more sad as they saw me walking towards them. So I took out my camera and asked them to pose”

“Whats the point, Ammu? Yours is just a toy camera”

“I know that appa. I just wanted them to smile”

My choice for soap will always be Cinthol. Its got a pretty non obtrusive smell which other soaps cant beat for life. Hamam was good, but they have added so many herbs of late, that my mind starts playing the song, “Chandrika  soapin thuimai…. (The purity of Chandrika soap, set to tune)” when I smell Hamam. So I am pretty content with Cinthol and when you need to spend some 8 hours in an Air conditioned office, it’s not a problem at all. 

But it’s not the case when I go to my relative’s place. I do take my soap along, but I forget it sometimes. So I am treated to a variety of soaps at their places. I always had that nagging feeling that the relatives wouldn’t use the soaps anyway and were just waiting for an unsuspecting relative to dump it on. That sometimes used to be me. Once I was given a bar of Lux, which was totally spotted and looked like a rabies infected dog. The spots varied as well….. green, red…. Damn, do people really take bath with those soaps? Ironically I heard later that it is called a beauty bar. Guess it can do with some beauty itself. 

But the best part was when I had been to Chennai once and my relative handed me a bar of Dove soap… oops, Dove is not soap, but more on that later. Chennai and salt water make a potent combo for sure. (Chennai lovers, I am not against the city, but you got to admit that the water’s tough and hard (pun unintended )) In Chennai, even after 10 minutes of you taking bath, you start sweating. There I was, trying to get rid of both the salt water and Dove. All this time, many tag lines for Dove ran through my mind. 

Dove is not just soap…. And for you, there’s just no hope 

Dove is not just soap….It’s both cream and a total scream 

So after some time, I was done with my bath and came out. Amma remarked, “Dei, Dove paravaa illada….konjam vellai aayitta (You have become fair)”. I was pretty happy when she came upto me and said, “Dei, ozhungaa kulikkalayaa? Soap innum irukku (“Didn’t you take bath properly? There is still soap remaining” Damage. Total Damage. It was then I thought, “Dove is not soap. It is a nightmare.” But then, the thought that most of the girls are hiding under Dove cheered me up  

PS: I took revenge against the relative who gave me a Dove cream bar after all Seems the bathroom I took bath in housed the only western closet and she was left waiting outside for some 15 minutes. Revenge has never been this nasty

 Not many people are aware that I have started on my French classes recently. When I first told my buddies that I am thinking about starting on French, the reactions were varied. I was asked whether I knew Hindi in the first place or Kannada, and my response was zilch to both. One buddy of mine even went as far as to say that not all matter movies are in French So all said and done, I joined French classes at the Alliance Francaise de Bangalore from 07^th March onwards. Some of you might remember my post on deciphering Kannada and I thought it will do good to decipher French as well. There are a lot of Tamil and Hindi sounding words in French but more of that later. The course was a weekend batch. The first thing that struck me was that the campus was very good. The second thing was that the instructor was also good and her choice of dresses was also good. It’s been a long time since I saw an instructor dress so elegantly. Back to the Language now. 

The funny thing with French is that it sounds as you are chewing the words and spitting it out.

 Short cut to French 1: Omit all the last letters in the words. Voila, you are almost there. Example: question in French is Kestio…. Notice that the last letter is left out. So the next time you speak with a French guy, omit all the last letters in your words and you might as well end up speaking French with him  

 Coming back to the main topic, I found that some French words had a mix of Tamil, Hindi and obviously English. More words will appear whenever I learn them.

 1) A tout a’ l’heure. Pronounced as A thoo thallagh. The nearest word is Ada thoo thallu. Meaning is pretty close as well. While in French, it means “Cya in a while”, in Tamil, it means “Shut up and get lost”

2) Une autre fois. Pronounced as eoon othge fo. The nearest word I can think of is in English, What the fuck? The meaning in French is “One more time”. The English one, I guess, is self explanatory

3) Ecoutez. Pronounced as Aekuthey. The nearest word of course is in Hindi, “Aei Kuthae”. The French word means “Listen” and I guess the Hindi part is self explanatory again.

As I said, more words will follow as and when I learn. Finally, I saw this plaque in the restroom which takes Toilet Humor to New Heights The plaque is below:  

He entered the house with mixed feelings. He had come here a lot of times to have a drink though his friend’s wife didnt like it. A pretty woman, no doubt, but a nag. She had always been after her hubby and even though Raghu was well off, she always wanted more. But now she was no more. She had been shot when she and Raghu had gone to a place. An armed burgler had come there and after relieving all of their money and jewels, had started shooting indiscriminately at all. Raghu was fortunate to escape. The Mrs was not. He should have been there for the weekly drink session. But this week was not to be

As he entered the house, he could sense a whiff of whiskey. As he rushed in to see if his friend had drunk a bit too much, he found him to be in a very sober mood. Raghu beckoned him to come over and take a glass. As he poured the scotch into his glass, he forced himself to be calm and asked Raghu how he felt and how the incident happened.

He: How did it happen, machi?

Raghu: We went there for an after wedding party when this guy turned up and flashed his gun. He asked us to hand over all the jewels and money to him and his partner. We did it.

He: Then?

Raghu: Just when we thought that the worst was over, he took out his gun and started firing at people.

He: So did you get down and pull the Mrs as well?

Raghu: Well, she was always of the opinion that a man should keep his wife before himself.

He: So?

Raghu: So…. and that was that.

He: Adapaavi….

Raghu: She was too much of a nag, anyway. You know of any good girls?

Part 1 is over here

Part 2 is over here

Everything went on quite well. Suppini was in a very comfortable job, and Sita was also going very strong. Before long, Vaithu (their son) turned one and it was time to take him to their Family deity’s temple for the ceremony. Vaithu was turning out to be a healthy brat. Suppini and Sita adored him totally. His walk, his cries for food, his sigh when he was fed, and his smiles. He was quite a lovable chap and went to all the relatives. Simply put, everyone loved him and no, he wasn’t Raymond, just Vaithu. The only worry that they had was that Vaithu had not started speaking yet. But their parents assured them that this was always the case with the first child in any family.

 Maybe to compensate for that, Vaithu also developed a strong liking for coffee. Right from the start when he started to distinguish between different smells, he used to close his eyes and breathe in deep whenever Sita made coffee and let out a contented sigh. And whenever Sita had him with her when she made coffee or snacks, he used to look to her expectantly. When he was a year and a half, she picked up a spoon and took some of the coffee to give to him. She blew on the coffee and gave it to him. He also blew on it, prompting a laugh from Sita and had a taste. From then on, he got his taste of coffee either through a spoon or through a biscuit dipped in coffee. Though Suppini thought that it was way too early for Vaithu to start on coffee, he didn’t protest.

 When Suppini turned 3, he had still not said “Amma” or “Appa”, a must for all toddlers. That set off the first alarm bell in both Suppini and Sita. Their parents tried to think of a solution too but nothing struck them. The moment of enlightenment never came. Their days started and ended with teaching Vaithu to talk, all to no avail. He refused to say anything. He could cry and laugh though and that was it. They took him to all doctors who confirmed that he didn’t have a problem and that they should just let him be. They then took him to all temples. Everything failed.

She looked at him in exasperation as they mulled over the problem they had. The more they thought of it, the more morose they became. They had tried all possible suggested solutions, but none was useful. Suffice to say that, they were at their wit’s end. She sighed and said that she was going to a local park with Vaithu. “Please take care of the house till I come” He said ok and as soon as she went out of the house followed suit. He went to the local departmental store where he saw the coffee place being decked with a new coffee. The filter neednt be prepared, and the powder just needed to be mixed with milk and had. “Instant coffee”, he read. He thought that he could give it a try and bought a sachet.

She came home ten minutes after he had and immediately got a whiff of the smell. She and Vaithu went into the kitchen and saw him preparing something. Once done, he offered it to her announcing, “coffee ready”. She had a sip and liked it. She gave a spoon to Vaithu as well and asked Suppini the brand of the coffee. “Ithu Bru ma” was the response she got, but she heard a different voice. “Did you speak?”. Suppini said no and both turned around to see Vaithu repeating “Ithu Bru ma”

They made him repeat “Ithu Bru ma” 50 more times. They were the happiest family in the world for that moment.

=====================Conclusion==============================

Q: What would be the title if this story (senseless) was made into a movie?

A: Bru Almighty .

Part 1 is over here

Suppini had reservations….. not at her place, but about going to her place. Maybe it was the lure of coffee, maybe it was her or maybe it was both, the next Saturday saw him going to Sita’s place. As he pressed the bell, a range of questions went through his mind and he thought of backing out. But before he could do that, the door opened and a strict looking middle aged man opened the door. “Yes”. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. “Who do you want?” “Your daughter” “WHAT??” “I mean, your house filter coffee” “What??” Just as he thought that the man was going to pass out saying Whats, Sita appeared. “Oh hi, Subramanian, come inside. Appa, he is the friend who I was talking about. The one who is crazy about coffee.” Though he was nervous, he noted with glee that she addressed her father as Appa. He himself did the same and hated calling his parents, Mummy and Daddy.

Her father was still looking at him very suspiciously and he did what he thought was best for the occasion. He went to him and started reciting, “Abhivathayae….”. (Abhivathayae… is a verse that youngsters use to introduce themselves to elders. It contains their name, and Gothram. Sorry that I am not able to write the whole thing as I don’t know the full text. But rest assured, Suppini knows . ) He looked up and sighed with relief when he smiled. He followed them into the house. She introduced him to her mom as well and her mom went inside to make some coffee, she smiled at him and apologized for her father’s stance. “Appa eppoathumae ippadithaan. Orae gedubidi, Subramanian”. He replied that it wasn’t a problem. “Call me Suppini. That’s how my family and close friends call me. Have you got a nick name as well?” “No. But my parents address me however they want. Would be embarrassing to reveal those names.”

He could smell the coffee and the conversation veered to coffee. He asked her the number of times she had coffee. The answer pleased him. She told him that she had as many number of coffee cups she wanted a day. He replied that he had as many cups as well and strong coffee when he had a headache as coffee was good for headaches. “Really”, she said, “then I should serve coffee to my electrical prof. She is a real headache.” Suppini laughed a little more than required for that feeble joke and that’s where it all started. They really enjoyed each other’s company and spent most of their spare time together.

They didn’t meet any resistance from their parents and the only fear that Suppini’s father had was whether she belonged to the same Gothram. That fear put aside, they fixed a date for their marriage after a year on completion of graduation. They were both placed in a reputed organization. Suppini and Sita laid down the condition that their marriage should take place only after they had worked for a year so that they had enough money of their own.

They were able to get a house near their place of work and settled there comfortably. Their habit of having coffee at nights had them welcoming their bundle of joy on their first anniv, a boy :)

                                                                 (To be continued….)

Reportedly, our Hon. Prime Minister had told the US prez that the people of India love Bush. That particular statement led to a lot of speculation as to whose which bush the Prime Minister was talking about, Senior or Junior? Our News channels not to be left behind jumped into the fray and tried to solve this enigma with the most cliched solution, namely an SMS poll. The poll went as follows: “Which Bush do you prefer? The father or the kid? If you think its the former, sms FOK A to 5690. If you think its the latter, then sms FOK B to 5690.” The results of the poll were never ever published due to reasons not revealed.

But I got the results of the polls right from the horse’s mouth….. one news channel employee sheepishly remarked that most of the sms they got were “FOK BOTH”. One more news channel employee remarked even more sheepishly that all they ever got was thousands of “FOK U”. Nice to know that.

More about Bush, George Bush, I mean. When he was in Iraq, he was almost hit by an Iraqi journo with a pair of shoes. Now here’s one journo who has been taught not to “Beat Around The Bush”. The latesht posish was that that guy was rewarded with a Merc. Will all who play the new game where you get to beat Bush get a new merc?? Fat chance….

On the Indian front, Mr. Antulay, Min for the Minorities has sparked off a controversy by suggesting that there’s more to it than meets the eye in Martyr Karkare’s death. With everyone having a conspiracy theory, here’s mine…. I suspect there’s a close nexus between the Journos and the politicians under the grand scheme, “U make ‘em (statements), We break ‘em”. And hence the Politicos get their publicity where they can owe their allegeiance to everybody and the News channels get their TRP ratings.

P. Chidambaram has been made the Home minister. I hope that none of the software engineers in Bangalore will dream of seeing their Home loans slashed away. Recession delusions, you see…. On a related note, thousands of feminists have taken to the streets proclaiming that the Home ministry should by run by a female. As one feminist put it, “Only a gentler sex can run “Home” affairs better”. Everyone present there were perplexed with her statement and rushed to her house to see her “position” on the same, again.

Thats it for now….