Guilt

He fumbled with the coffee cup, as he poured her a cup, thereby staining the table mat. He had always been awe struck with her beauty. “You haven’t changed at all”, she told him with a smile. “No, I have changed; if not, I would have married you”, he remarked and immediately regretted it. It brought them back to reality. A long silence ensued. Back in college, they were praised by all as a very good pair and there had been friends who competed to be the best man at the wedding. But then, it took just one man to dispose all the plans. Her father. “No marriage for you before your sisters”, he told her. His parents could not wait for a long time. “What if we die before your marriage?” Sometimes he wished that they had eloped. But then it was all in the past. They had lost contact for a long time.

 

But now, here they were, still reliving those very memories they wanted to forget. Sometimes it’s difficult to face a person you loved so much, especially after 20 years. There had not been any outbursts till now, but he wasn’t sure of himself. She was strong, not him.

 

“I heard that you were settled in a good job. How is your child? Isn’t he in high school?” As she asked those questions, he felt ashamed that he knew nothing about her life. He had sometimes wondered what she was and where she was, but hadn’t really bothered to find out the details. He didn’t know whether to feel sad or happy that she still cared for him. He had always thought that he had let go of the past. But that was not the case. “And you….” “My father got me married at last to an aged relative. I was 33 at that time. That guy was a registrar. We never really adjusted with each other. But we are still together for the sake of our son”. Before he could ask, she continued, “A special son”.

 

“A special….” And then it dawned on him. He started saying sorry, but she cut him off, “Don’t be. Nobody but my dad can be blamed for my plight”. She got up to leave. “As long as you are happy, I am fine. I hope we will be in touch” were her last words.

 

He kept stirring the coffee cup long after she had gone. He didn’t know whether he was happy or sad. But there was one strong emotion he felt. He wasn’t sure how to place it though. Guilt, perhaps?

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Comments
7 Responses to “Guilt”
  1. Ashwini says:

    Gans, yenakku oru strong emotion varudu…strong emotion that translates into a strong ‘punch’ to you […not fruit punch 🙂 ] A very senti post dude. It made me sad. Y so emotional today?
    Must say….very well written.

  2. Ananth says:

    Mappu..enna thideernu ipdi oru post?? unnoda life storyo??? 😛

  3. gans says:

    @ Ash,
    Thanks for the compliment. 🙂 Mental posts will keep coming

    @ Ananth,
    Dei, en lifea athukkulla mudichittiyae da, paavi?? Ithu Nijam alla Kathai 😀

  4. Jet says:

    gans wat a senti post …..he isnt guity .perhaps no one can be blamed….jus bloody fate 😦 😦

  5. Chandru says:

    Dei what a stupid confused story.Why on earth should he feel guilty?? And what a stupid reason for the marriage not happening. He could’nt wait for marriage till all her sisters were married off.You should write another post explaining why he was so desperate for marriage.That wud be interesting.

  6. gans says:

    @ Jet,
    Maybe so….

    @ Chandru,
    Dei vetti…. “His parents could not wait for a long time. “What if we die before your marriage?” ” shud have explained his situation…. drunk as always?? 😛

    And why on earth shud he feel guilty?? Dei, that happens machi. Have u never felt guilty for some reason? U dont have to be gulti for that 😀

  7. Avinash says:

    Hmm.. Dunno what to say.. PAss!

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