Guilt

Posted by Gans on October 20, 2008 · 7 Comments 

He fumbled with the coffee cup, as he poured her a cup, thereby staining the table mat. He had always been awe struck with her beauty. “You haven’t changed at all”, she told him with a smile. “No, I have changed; if not, I would have married you”, he remarked and immediately regretted it. It brought them back to reality. A long silence ensued. Back in college, they were praised by all as a very good pair and there had been friends who competed to be the best man at the wedding. But then, it took just one man to dispose all the plans. Her father. “No marriage for you before your sisters”, he told her. His parents could not wait for a long time. “What if we die before your marriage?” Sometimes he wished that they had eloped. But then it was all in the past. They had lost contact for a long time.

 

But now, here they were, still reliving those very memories they wanted to forget. Sometimes it’s difficult to face a person you loved so much, especially after 20 years. There had not been any outbursts till now, but he wasn’t sure of himself. She was strong, not him.

 

“I heard that you were settled in a good job. How is your child? Isn’t he in high school?” As she asked those questions, he felt ashamed that he knew nothing about her life. He had sometimes wondered what she was and where she was, but hadn’t really bothered to find out the details. He didn’t know whether to feel sad or happy that she still cared for him. He had always thought that he had let go of the past. But that was not the case. “And you….” “My father got me married at last to an aged relative. I was 33 at that time. That guy was a registrar. We never really adjusted with each other. But we are still together for the sake of our son”. Before he could ask, she continued, “A special son”.

 

“A special….” And then it dawned on him. He started saying sorry, but she cut him off, “Don’t be. Nobody but my dad can be blamed for my plight”. She got up to leave. “As long as you are happy, I am fine. I hope we will be in touch” were her last words.

 

He kept stirring the coffee cup long after she had gone. He didn’t know whether he was happy or sad. But there was one strong emotion he felt. He wasn’t sure how to place it though. Guilt, perhaps?

Filed under Stories · Tagged with Guilt, Long time no see, Marriage, Nostalgic